reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
