she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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