At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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