Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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