White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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