Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
