At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
