he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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