I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
