I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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