He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
