this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
