My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You pole danced in your parka.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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