I can text with my tongue
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize