Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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