he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Even my vagina gasped.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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