I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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