I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
