Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
