I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
