Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
How external is "for external use only"?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
