I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize