He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize