sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
whose parrot is this?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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