hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
