all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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