Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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