Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
