he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
