I wanna bring you to show and tell
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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