this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
