Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
