can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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