I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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