Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
