You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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