Do you still have your period?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
