Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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