We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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