elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
