he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize