this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
