none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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