she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
