I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
