i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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