I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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