We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
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