My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
