Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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