I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
