Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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