I am full of burrito and curiosity
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
