i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
