Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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