We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I want to have your abortion
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
