The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize