i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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