I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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