so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
