Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
