Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
