my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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