i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Is this like a preordered booty call?
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