dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize