i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
