Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
