can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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