my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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