Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
