I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Pooping to opera.
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