i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
