I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
