I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
