I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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