You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
