did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
