i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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