So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
