It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize