apparently the secret to your success is patron
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
zippers are such a cool invention
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
