im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
