I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
