I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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