i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
