I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
