I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
