remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
