We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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