there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize