what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
